Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Random Quiet Thoughts

this is a not too private quiet thoughts moment.. there are lots of things coming into my mind.. no less thoughts about the past.. about what could have been.. should have been.. and what is.. we've been through enough of life's journey to take stock of wherever we are right now and yet are still too raw to command any reasonable and just respect with our outlook and perception..

as far as career is concerned.. everything's a mess right now.. putting too many eggs into the same basket has backfired dramatically for me.. i'm still trying to pick up the pieces of this mini explosion and steer the ship on.. but its tough.. mentally tiring.. and psychologically challenging to move ahead at this juncture.. i have came to this ground where i have considered giving it all up and becoming part of the system.. what is wrong with that? lots of contradictory random thoughts floating around in my head... these are keeping me up most nights where i have fitful bouts of sleep and wake up zombified and unfulfilled.. yet i am not doin anything about it.. i kept asking myself.. what can i do about it? is whatever i am doin enough? is it the right thing to do? should i keep on hitting my head in this general direction? should i believe?

in oh so many moons ago.. a temporary alliance was forged between 3 very different individuals bounded together by a common love for music.. the conversational trail bordered on the comical with one member dead set on naming the union after a macabre act of examining dead bodies to ascertain cause of death.. blood on blood.. one on one.. now bobby's an uptown lawyer.. and danny's a medicine man? not quite.. but yes.. we've all grown up sufficiently to contemplate moments like Mr Bongiovi did.. now.. i am not a singer in a long haired rock and roll band but i did harvest dreams like those long ago.. they always say life takes you full circle but aint it freaking tiring and pointles running around in circles? just like the poor arse hamster running in the wheel within their cage man.. aren't we all like that if we are talking about the circle of life?

certain wisdoms do transcend the dimensions of time and fickleness of human dynamics..

take heed now..

"Quiet thought come floating down
And settle softly to the ground
Like golden autumn leaves around my feet
I touched them and they burst apart with sweet memories
Sweet memories"
- Memories, Elvis Presley

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Its Magic~!!

one would think turning 32 would have a special significance.. however.. the mood is subdued.. low key.. depressing even.. and no.. i 'm not suffering from those syndrome where sad individuals refuse to grow old gracefully.. in the ageing department.. i think i am doing a wonderful job.. or so i would like to think.. hahahaha...

in the overall scheme of things.. one can say this is a new low.. which is weird considering the kinda things i had goin on for me previously.. why am i caught in this situation? i really have no idea wat went wrong.. actually.. to phrase it correctly.. i do know what went wrong.. just dunno why it had to go wrong..

on a positive note.. i have my family.. the princess and my bro surrounding me in my life.. its all good and i should really be thankful for all these blessings i have.. i AM thankful.. just that i really wish i can dig myself out of this desperate situation pretty soon.. the magic number is just about the right time to set sail on a permanent course to be taken.. god forbid i end up on the man eating island as depicted in the life of pi.. scary shitez..

"Crash and burn
To live again
Up from the ashes I rise"
- Crash and Burn, Don Dokken