Today in words

A rare back to back posting. This might be coming along fine now and one day i might publish something. I will just leave it here now for me to read a few decades in the future and decide for myself.

I am feeling depressive today. Once again, I am overcome with negative feelings of unhappiness and depression. I really need to find a way for me to not wake up anymore in this place. I think i will do fine in the place i was a month ago but coming back here just brought all these waves and rush of negativity into my being once again.

I need to get out of here. The weather sucks. The people sucks. The insects sucks. Everything here sucks. I tell people the only reason i come back here is for family but even that sucks. Truth be told and not to sound unfilial, I do not even feel anything for my family anymore. I do not care about them insofar as the need to care for them is concerned. I just really need to find my own wings and fly.

I am most willing to go back there and live as a normal being without the ugly vulgar display of wealth. There i am physically not wealthy but spiritually a billionaire. In singapore, i am physically comfortable but spiritually a pauper. So the choice is obvious.

Writing can be therapeutic and also helps one to unravel a lot of mysteries, I think i just uncovered one tonight.

Thank you. 

The more things changed the more they stay the same

I am no longer as prolific a writer as I was many moons ago.

The inspiration has ceased. The thoughts blurred by copious amount of alcohol I introduce into my bloodstream on a daily basis. I am drinking way too much for my own good. But I am addicted. I can't help myself. I have to seek out the bottle night after night after night.

I thought that bringing a new life into this world would change things but how wrong I was. I am still the same person. Perhaps the only things that has changed is the lack of libido but I attribute that more to an age thing rather than having a child at home.

I miss my life away from home. Where I am living a lifelong dream of being in that city. I was only there for 14 months but I am trying my bloody best to get there and live there again. I would really love to.

Once again, I am left wishing I had never been born into this world. I want to get away from it. I wish I do not wake up. I wish for my life to end.

Can someone please do me a favour and put me out of this misery? I have too much cowardice to bring that release upon myself. Somebody help me please. I am begging you.