Spring Cleaning - Same Old Same Old

"There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for

she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
And you know sometimes words have two meanings
In a tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking

And she's buying a stairway to heaven

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forest will echo with laughter

And it makes me wonder

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May Queen

Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on

Your head is humming and it won't go
in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him

Dear lady can't you hear the wind blow
and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll

And she's buying a stairway to heaven"

Led Zeppelin, Stairway To Heaven

Roll Call

if ever there was a roll call for he who is a b'stard.. please take down my name and call it out first.. i am with a really sweet gal.. granted.. she aint expressive.. is not so worldly wise.. and doesnt quite bark up my tree of beliefs and values.. but she has a sincere heart to offer.. and what am i doin here? longing for one that i've lost.. pining for someone tat was in my history and missing someone who once warm my bed and filled my heart with passion.. wait a minute.. she still does.. the flames for her still burns bright and strong...

what can i do about it? apparently not much.. we spoke about this and i realised that the may queen is probably happier without me by her side.. i do not feel the same way but if she's better off this way... so be it.. cos the greatest love is selfless and i think i am beginning to realise something that my mama fren told me oh so many moons ago.. the person u settle down with is not someone whom you love the most.. if tat is the case.. its a bonus rather than being the way life intended it to be..

2 ways to look at this.. first.. tats probably the reason why there are so many cases of affairs and extra marital mambo jumbo out there.. another way to see this is that man will always be man.. never satisfied.. its the constant state of longing for wat you dun have tat drives billionaires to strive hard and achieve things in this lifetime... good... bad.. i can't say right now... all i know is.. i feel.. therefore i am sad..

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

not referring to the feel good contrived animated movie here.. though i have to admit to enjoying the sequence where mice become horses, pumpkin becoming coach.. tats a different story altogether... wat we have here is a bunch of guys looking wild and tough yet dishing out cheese metal fare.. or rather.. the fare i was exposed to were the diary product..

what am i trying to say here? i really dunno.. there is no winter in singapore and yet i cant deny the cold empty feeling i am feeling within my heart with this void.. its weird how i am not alone and yet i feel lonely..

am i comparing?
not at all..

do i miss someone?
i most certainly do..

am i missing her for the right reason?
probably..

does she know that?
most definitely not..

do i want to let her know?
not in a million years!

is that the right thing to do?
dun really want to be around to find out..

though someone might be there to nurse me back to health.. the system is breaking down.. the set up is crumbling.. the lack of a common path is tiring for me to keep up with.. the need to constantly gear myself towards a different thrust every other day wears my soul away and slides my spirit toward decay.. the non-existent common alignment beats down upon my morale and ebb away at my resolve to stand firm..

familiar ground this...