there are times when one wish one can turn back the clock to that period of time when one made a serious mistake and hope to erase that from the memory and move on.. but its tough at times because we are only humans and are still subjected to the same shitty humanity of emotions, sentiments, anger.. so after that conversation last nite, it made me think real hard whether i still want to go all out along this entrepreneurial mindset after having been bitten hard.. for the first time in a really long while, i have half the mind to really give it all up and just mire myself in a life i would have classified as mediocre as recently as 3 months ago.. and yet.. this is not anything that is bad at all.. i guess it just calls for an adjustment of mindset and attitudes.. a revision of the expectations i set upon myself.. this is heavy.. it might potentially dictate the landscape that i will find myself in when my hair is greying and my joints do not carry me far anymore..
i have always tot of myself as strong-willed, fearless and ambitious but i've amazingly lost a lot of that zest when i examine my behaviour in recent weeks.. i've become rather meek and that freaking risk taker in me seemed to have disembarked at the previous station.. without me realising it!! ok.. its always good to take calculated risk but not at the expense of becoming another cog in the machine.. i want to be the prime mover.. the engine room.. not just another gear tat keeps things going along.. and yet.. here i am.. contemplating becoming just tat! and i mean seriously.. fighting on requires a lot more energy that has been sapped from my being.. where can i draw new strength? where can i learn to fight on? or should i even be fighting at all?
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