Spring Cleaning - Same Old Same Old

"There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for

she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
And you know sometimes words have two meanings
In a tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking

And she's buying a stairway to heaven

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forest will echo with laughter

And it makes me wonder

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May Queen

Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on

Your head is humming and it won't go
in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him

Dear lady can't you hear the wind blow
and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll

And she's buying a stairway to heaven"

Led Zeppelin, Stairway To Heaven

Roll Call

if ever there was a roll call for he who is a b'stard.. please take down my name and call it out first.. i am with a really sweet gal.. granted.. she aint expressive.. is not so worldly wise.. and doesnt quite bark up my tree of beliefs and values.. but she has a sincere heart to offer.. and what am i doin here? longing for one that i've lost.. pining for someone tat was in my history and missing someone who once warm my bed and filled my heart with passion.. wait a minute.. she still does.. the flames for her still burns bright and strong...

what can i do about it? apparently not much.. we spoke about this and i realised that the may queen is probably happier without me by her side.. i do not feel the same way but if she's better off this way... so be it.. cos the greatest love is selfless and i think i am beginning to realise something that my mama fren told me oh so many moons ago.. the person u settle down with is not someone whom you love the most.. if tat is the case.. its a bonus rather than being the way life intended it to be..

2 ways to look at this.. first.. tats probably the reason why there are so many cases of affairs and extra marital mambo jumbo out there.. another way to see this is that man will always be man.. never satisfied.. its the constant state of longing for wat you dun have tat drives billionaires to strive hard and achieve things in this lifetime... good... bad.. i can't say right now... all i know is.. i feel.. therefore i am sad..

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

not referring to the feel good contrived animated movie here.. though i have to admit to enjoying the sequence where mice become horses, pumpkin becoming coach.. tats a different story altogether... wat we have here is a bunch of guys looking wild and tough yet dishing out cheese metal fare.. or rather.. the fare i was exposed to were the diary product..

what am i trying to say here? i really dunno.. there is no winter in singapore and yet i cant deny the cold empty feeling i am feeling within my heart with this void.. its weird how i am not alone and yet i feel lonely..

am i comparing?
not at all..

do i miss someone?
i most certainly do..

am i missing her for the right reason?
probably..

does she know that?
most definitely not..

do i want to let her know?
not in a million years!

is that the right thing to do?
dun really want to be around to find out..

though someone might be there to nurse me back to health.. the system is breaking down.. the set up is crumbling.. the lack of a common path is tiring for me to keep up with.. the need to constantly gear myself towards a different thrust every other day wears my soul away and slides my spirit toward decay.. the non-existent common alignment beats down upon my morale and ebb away at my resolve to stand firm..

familiar ground this...

The Nectar Of Life

milk beckons as she blows hot and cold.. its almost bizarre that someone crowds you with emotionally unnecessary overtures one minute and keep you at arm's length the next.. adults needs sense i've always said..

having said that.. i realised that some milk originating beings out there are longing for a royal reptilian reprieve and yet is afraid to face the full scale magnitude of deep seated emotions to effectively quash any inherent inertia...

wat am i saying here? nothing major except the wish that people will open up when necessary and stop being a slave to the system.. cos i won't be the one left behind..

Perfect Strangers

anyone remembers the tv series starring bronson pinchot as this weird greek fella? i cant even remember the name of the actor who played koosern larry... anyways.. not important though.. i had a lot of laughs with these sitcoms from the 80s and early 90s.. growing pains was my favourite.. and i did not realise it starred a young leonardo di carprio till i went to wikipedia to read more about the series.. who cares? dun like the fugly chap with the weird shaped head anyways..

growing up... i had loads of memories of my youth.. i honestly grew up fat and awkward and having a really low self esteem.. where i am today is the work of the men in green plus a steely resolve to keep myself in shape both mentally and physically.. however.. i remembered myself laughing a lot as a kid.. having loads of fun playing badminton with my cousin.. shooting a few hoops with the young guns.. riding them bicycle to the kopi tiam while skipping lessons at vjc.. those were awkward growing up years where female company is lacking and yet i found a lot of joy.. that was also the time i started picking up the six string fren and strummed away furiously while blasting the hi-fi with hard rocking sounds.. its ironic how when feline creatures are in the equation tats when a lot more uncertainties arise..

having said tat.. why am i complaining? i am having so much fun right now.. frens have rallied around me and laid forth lots of opportunities.. most surprisingly coming from totally new frens.. its times like these when u realise a sincere heart touches the most sincere pple.. who see certain values and kindness in you.. who believe in you enough to trust their circle of frens with you.. to these pple.. i have to say.. i would not let you down and i will prove worthy of your faith.. collectively.. individually or otherwise..

these frens won't get to read this though.. tis page is only for the privileged few..

Holy Male Society Add Oil~!!

has it only been 2 weeks..? seems like ages ago manz.. and things have been great.. the feeling is less about recovering from sorrow but from fatigue.. everything else being equal.. it has been liberating and i have had a lot more time for my own stuffs.. finally finished my grisham book tat has been lying on the table for weeks.. actually planned a trip into KL but found no kakis for the trip up and decided not to drive alone for 4 hours.. have to give it pass and mix it up with the shittybankers some other time then.. maybe i'm becoming shittybankers-adverse.. with the unwelcomed saturday night phone call from someone who obviously don't have much of a life but to gossip and spin tales.. and this is a dude who's been out of the organisation for more than half a year.. muahahahaha.. weirdz...

work has been trickling in at a constant pace.. i mean.. how fast can things go here..? hahaha.. but then again.. there have been 2 major cases this week which required immediate attention and which.. surprisingly.. DID receive immediate attention from the various departments.. am i impressed? not quite.. but at least i now know some work do get done around here.. oh well.. talking about work at 10pm at home is not something i want to do right now..

went to watch a basketball "c" division boys 3rd 4th placing match today.. it was between anglican high school and jurong secondary.. AHS lost by 8 points.. very disappointing match as the boys seem to play without much soul.. i heard they played their hearts out the day before in the well attended semi finals though.. must have been quite energy sapping as it was only 24 hours earlier.. the standard of play was very high.. the boys really ran up and down the court at such a high speed and exhibited wonderful technical abilities..

watching the match made me realise how freaking old i am.. imagine... when i was cheering on our AHS "c" division match while actually being of "c" division age... these kids werent even sperm yet... their parents might not even have met yet!! they were only conceived when i was bearing arms defending my country.. wow..

Non Flying Dutchman

"Oh here it comes again
That funny feeling again
Winding me up inside
Every time we touch

Hey I don't know
Just tell me where to begin
Cause I never ever
Felt so much

No I can't recall
Any love at all
Baby this blows em all away

It's got what it takes
So tell me why can't this be love
(You want it) Straight from the heart
Oh tell me why can't this be love

I tell myself
Hey only fools rush in
And only time will tell
If we stand the test of time

All I know
You've got to run to win
And I'll be damned if I get hung up on the line

Tell me why can't this be love
Baby why can't this be love
Got to know why can't this be love
I wanna know why can't this be loooooove~!!"

- Van Halen, Why Can't This Be Love

GI Joe

while we're still mired in the subject of full circle... seems like not too long ago 2 friends gave me a birthday card dedicated to one who loves a popular breakfast item tat usually comes with maple syrup with a freaking unhealthy dallop of butter on it.. oooh.... which brings to mind my current situation really..

now i am staring at a supposed valley again and i realised it is not so.. cos there's no valley to be found on this plateau of pain.. valley seem to suggest a low point vis-a-vis some higher ground but i really dun see it as such.. its a consistently flat plain when you're on the up... only to tread wearily on a flat terrain in search of the next up.. its not as bleak as it sounds cos at least u aint working against gravity.. and you are not experiencing a situation where the light of day escapes you.. and you sure as hell am not tumbling downwards into the dark abyss of insanity..

bed of roses he wailed out high
bed of nails his body lie
proclaiming religious tri-partite
draw them near as his soul fight
tonight
i am merry amongst the plentitude
while maggots fiend remind me of solitude

Heavy Helium

"Hey, girl, stop what youre doin!
Hey, girl, youll drive me to ruin.
I dont know what it is that I like about you,
But I like it a lot.

Wont let me hold you,
Let me feel your lovin charms.

Communication breakdown,
Its always the same,
Im having a nervous breakdown,
Drive me insane!

Hey, girl, I got something I think you ought to know.
Hey, babe, I wanna tell you that I love you so.
I wanna hold you in my arms, yeah!
Im never gonna let you go,cause I like your charms.

I want you to love me all night...

I want you to love me all night
I want you to love me
I want you to love...yeah!
I want you to love!"

Communication Breakdown - Led Zeppelin

Jumping Frogs

you know they made one sequel too many when an hour into the movie.. u kept wondering to urself wat the hell the leads got themselves into signing up for this.. its the money tat pays the bill probably but does someone with serious superstar clout need to resort to this? fyi.. this chap has enough weight behind his name to command his talentless fugly kid to star in some high profile HK action movie currently in cinemas.. but then again.. its the freaking hongkees.. who cares? they can implode for all i care..

perhaps this is a parallel to the fact tat pple should really know when to stop.. when to call it quits.. when to step away from the limelight.. cantona will always be a freaking legend on the field.. cos he stopped trying to impress once he's attained a certain level of success.. its not like the original none cheapbuy 23.. retiring and trying out at first baseball.. and then golf.. failing miserably on both counts only to step into the old ring again and falling spectacularly with those whose names are ironically called the wizards..

calling it quits when you're on top of the game.. first.. you HAVE to be on top of the game..

Von Trapp Bed Time Tune

wasnt that long ago that i thought i didnt have to say this to anybody anymore
and now here i am
listening to myself speak the very words
its senseless.. i dun understand.. and dun even want to try to start to understand it

so long.. farewell..

Lion King

its just weird how everything comes full circle.. u did it when u were 23.. now u're 32.. and its all happening again.. u fall in love.. get to know a person.. got together.. got along for a while.. familiarity breeds contempt.. u get angry.. u forgive.. u kiss and make up.. u drive each other nuts again.. u make up.. the circle goes on.. the proximity suffers as a result.. u talk but dun speak.. u meet but dun see each other.. u hug but dun touch.. u hold hands while being disjointed.. then u guys spar verbally and over the smallest issue.. decree that its important enough to forge a permanent wall..

tats the grand scheme of life in many dimensions and directions.. for pple like ourselves who are emotionally challenged.. there are those who treasure their personal freedom and yet is so miserable being alone.. there are those who love a union but loathes the handcuffs tat accompany a properly instituted state of being.. there are those who go crazy after 10 mins being alone and just jump the gun at the next thing tat comes along.. good bad or otherwise..

having wasted so much time for the past 19 months.. i really think i should be alone for the meantime.. take some time off.. do the things i really wanna do when i'm alone.. read a book.. continue to write my songs... put a band together.. improve on my soccer game.. which i hope will be in order considering i'm kicking balls around with really skilful individuals.. get really fit and make a difference in my own personal life..

moving on is always tough but i am inclined to think tat i've always been able to do it a lot better with less emotional baggage than a lot of my peers.. not tat i am putting myself on a pedestal and declaring myself being holier than thou.. far from it.. its just tat i am glad my mental resolve and capabilities tell me a lot more than just to be mired in emotionally irrational thoughts..

having said tat.. boy i am only human.. woo hoo hoo hoo...

in the jungle the mighty jungle the *sic* (lizard king) sleeps tonight

Simply Slow Commanderie

wow.. snail's pace best describe how things are done here at my new organisation.. its a refreshing change from the brown waste financial institution.. yeah and the folks here sweat it out almost every day over the energy topping hour.. by kicking a ball around.. or throwing another in a hoop.. or just slipping on those track shoes and running away.. its not the organisation tat promotes a sporting lifestyle for nothing you know.. which begs the question.. dun this pple eat? yeah they sure.. though not at the official lunch hour.. its literally on the eleventh hour.. followed by 2 hours of rest before kicking the inflated cow's hide around.. do pple actually get any work done around here.. i should think so.. but then again.. where in hell is the darn time capsule~!!?!

first day here.. went in on the dot.. waited 45 mins for HR to attend to me.. oops.. i mean HC.. human capital management apparently.. and here i was hopeful the perks from this job was free spa treatment on my first day here.. since sports DOES promote a healthy lifestyle.. the briefing was hurried thru in about 1 sec.. ok.. i am being bitchy here.. it lasted a whopping 5 minutes.. great effort from the members of the health centre team.. thereafter.. further logisitical arrangements were made for security access and card printing.. and off i was shipped to my office.. away from the staircase tat is the stadium.. so sad that they're gonna tear this great old dame down.. i would relish the opportunity to work from within her grand belly overlooking the manificent stadium.. i digress now.. apologies

talking about the 2 ends of matt trakker's mask.. here it is presenting itself to me.. shittybang vs assasssee.. 2 organisations with completely differnet dynamics which offered me a glimpse into the human psyche.. the good and evil tat exists in both states.. it takes all kinds to make up this world perhaps.. but this is where i find pple who are down to earth.. heartland.. non pretentious.. but the lack of ambition does stick out like a sore thumb.. gimme this situation anytime baybee.. i'm enjoying it now.. stay tuned.. shall stick around for a while.. no truman show dimensioned entertainment though..

Monocalifragilisticexpialidocious

well... there's nothing atrocious about this.. its just the very monotonous and still life that i am leading right now.. keep wondering how i can snap out of this state and move forward.. i think i really need the thrust to keep me on my toes and not sit down here.. waste my time and idle my life away.. its bad.. at a time when pple are starting to take root.. i am starting to rot.. i need a jolt out of this existence..

was at eatgold street last friday.. wasnt as fun as i expected it.. the music was pretty good but the crowd left a lot to be desired.. too much shitez floating around on the dance floor.. no wonder i feel like committing murder on the dance floor.. having said that.. there were also too many arms-crossing-head-bopping-me-too-cool-to-jive mudder farkers standing around.. seem like the riverside haunt is attracting its fair share of pretenders lately.. not tat i mind terribly.. but it does take a bit of the kick out of the spin around action lizardking action figure.. which interestingly hasn't surfaced for months.. no prizes for guessing why..

International

wow.. its been 3 months of bumming around and the bank account is really suffering as a result.. damn.. i really need to reverse the situation if i'm really gotta live my life as a normal functioning 32 yr old adult.. stem the rot.. ride the wave.. up from the ashes i rise..

life has been tough over the past 2 years.. i've done a lot to take 2 steps forward and 1 step back.. its really difficult trying to move forward when i keep shooting myself in the foot over and over again.. why do i hv to make my life so difficult? why cant i just be normal.. and be like everyone else? why do i have to be here?

up up and away.. no wonder i'm so intrigued by supes.. i wanna rise up up and away.. kal-el help me..

Lines

Wow.. the lappie is certainly being consumed by electronica-cancer.. multiple lines are being formed on the screen and its spreading by the day.. it started innocently with a red line down the left of the screen and has since developed into a series of different color lines of different patterns and variations.. my visuals are starting to get impeded and its high time i do something about this...

doing something about it.. there's always this inertia in my life followed by a blind burst forward tat is taking me nowhere.. loads have moved far ahead of me and here i am still trying to justify the reason why i am running around like a kampong chicken being slain for the night's dining pleasures.. running around headless and directionless.. trying to keep alive while ultimately knowing demise of some kind is near.. perhaps the other plain of existence is the comfort zone and solace being sought by the kind poultry friend of ours.. we shall see...

caught a web slinging movie tonight.. its amazingly emotional for a super hero movie but i'm sure there are many in the audience who can relate to the many human dimensions being displayed and possibly presented for discussion here.. boy girl.. friendship.. family.. greed.. fame and glory.. failures.. career building.. revenge.. etc etc.. there are lots to think about as i lay my head down tonight on my sleepy pillow.. god help me sleep thru the night please.. its been a while since i last manage that..

That's Life

"That's wat all the people say
You're sinking low in April
Rise up in May

Though the lessons been learnt
The memories in me
Shall always remain"
-Teasiyong, 2007

So the grand scheme of things have come full circle.. we're coming back into the realm of serving the multitudes.. i've learnt a lot over the past 3 months of time away from the brown waste financial institution.. catching up with ex-colleagues had been liberating.. the stories they told me made me realise why i am so glad i am out of this whole mess and yet.. with a tinge of melancholy.. i really wish these frens can be away from these pain and strife tat dictates the majority of their waking hour spent in the office.. damn..

seriously.. the more things changed the more the stay the same.. just take last sunday's football activities as an example.. i still can't pass.. shoot.. dribble.. but i love the beautiful game.. and have the fitness to partake of the rigours sans the skills.. kinda like the stigma tat has dogged me in my life... always there with a passion but somehow falling short of personal expectations in terms of performance and ability to shine.. perhaps tats the way life path has dictated for me.. i wish not for this to happen.. but destiny may spell a different walkway from wat i've intended..

live and let live...

Random Quiet Thoughts

this is a not too private quiet thoughts moment.. there are lots of things coming into my mind.. no less thoughts about the past.. about what could have been.. should have been.. and what is.. we've been through enough of life's journey to take stock of wherever we are right now and yet are still too raw to command any reasonable and just respect with our outlook and perception..

as far as career is concerned.. everything's a mess right now.. putting too many eggs into the same basket has backfired dramatically for me.. i'm still trying to pick up the pieces of this mini explosion and steer the ship on.. but its tough.. mentally tiring.. and psychologically challenging to move ahead at this juncture.. i have came to this ground where i have considered giving it all up and becoming part of the system.. what is wrong with that? lots of contradictory random thoughts floating around in my head... these are keeping me up most nights where i have fitful bouts of sleep and wake up zombified and unfulfilled.. yet i am not doin anything about it.. i kept asking myself.. what can i do about it? is whatever i am doin enough? is it the right thing to do? should i keep on hitting my head in this general direction? should i believe?

in oh so many moons ago.. a temporary alliance was forged between 3 very different individuals bounded together by a common love for music.. the conversational trail bordered on the comical with one member dead set on naming the union after a macabre act of examining dead bodies to ascertain cause of death.. blood on blood.. one on one.. now bobby's an uptown lawyer.. and danny's a medicine man? not quite.. but yes.. we've all grown up sufficiently to contemplate moments like Mr Bongiovi did.. now.. i am not a singer in a long haired rock and roll band but i did harvest dreams like those long ago.. they always say life takes you full circle but aint it freaking tiring and pointles running around in circles? just like the poor arse hamster running in the wheel within their cage man.. aren't we all like that if we are talking about the circle of life?

certain wisdoms do transcend the dimensions of time and fickleness of human dynamics..

take heed now..

"Quiet thought come floating down
And settle softly to the ground
Like golden autumn leaves around my feet
I touched them and they burst apart with sweet memories
Sweet memories"
- Memories, Elvis Presley

Its Magic~!!

one would think turning 32 would have a special significance.. however.. the mood is subdued.. low key.. depressing even.. and no.. i 'm not suffering from those syndrome where sad individuals refuse to grow old gracefully.. in the ageing department.. i think i am doing a wonderful job.. or so i would like to think.. hahahaha...

in the overall scheme of things.. one can say this is a new low.. which is weird considering the kinda things i had goin on for me previously.. why am i caught in this situation? i really have no idea wat went wrong.. actually.. to phrase it correctly.. i do know what went wrong.. just dunno why it had to go wrong..

on a positive note.. i have my family.. the princess and my bro surrounding me in my life.. its all good and i should really be thankful for all these blessings i have.. i AM thankful.. just that i really wish i can dig myself out of this desperate situation pretty soon.. the magic number is just about the right time to set sail on a permanent course to be taken.. god forbid i end up on the man eating island as depicted in the life of pi.. scary shitez..

"Crash and burn
To live again
Up from the ashes I rise"
- Crash and Burn, Don Dokken

Johann Sebastian??

its been a really long time since i was last inspired to write with sarcastic wit.. seems like a stint at the shittybank have drained me of a lot of inspirations.. now that i have a lot of time on my hand to do things.. i still find it very difficult to pick it all up and start blabbering nonsense all over again.. so i did the right thing and picked up old jimmy boy's poetry collection again.. seems like every time i revisit those pages.. something different came out of it.. today was no different.. i realised randomness and chaos theory rules in his form.. there are no definite patterns and broad subject matter tat captures his heart and mind at the point of writing.. he just.. wrote..

so my latest craze is toys.. boys and their toys.. i dun think i will ever become a hardcore collector cos its too much effort for very superficial things.. having said that.. i read superman red son last nite and was so struck by the creative minds of those who pen the story and managed to squeeze in the different characters from superman's world into a totally different setting and existence..

i'm sure all of us.. at one point of time or another.. have pondered about "what ifs".. we're born into a different family.. in a different country.. did different things.. blah blah blah.. so here i am now pondering the what ifs.. i realised that the greatest regret i have in my life is quitting my first job so soon.. life would have been very different.. having said that.. i tot back about the way i was brought up and realised that staying salaried would never be an option.. but going forward with tat certain commitment and thrust escapes me.. i am just not so motivated to develop those abdominal muscles anymore.. i dunno why.. i sometimes wish things havent gone tat horribly wrong 24 moons ago.. but i've crash and burnt and yet to rise up from the ashes.. ala mr dokken.. i pray for the strength to pry myself away from tat heap..

a life of music is wat i always hoped for myself.. lack of talent meant that i will have to concentrate elsewhere in this sphere.. maybe setting up an instrument shop.. (a dime a dozen everywhere).. selling stuff related to music.. (loads of huge conglomerates thriving there and drowning out the small boys + internet piracy).. i would love to be involved creatively but (1) the options are few and (2) my talent is lacking.. wat to do? fall back into the cogwheel and become a part of the system..

"I won't be the one left behind

You can't be king of the hill

If you're slave to the grind"

- Skid Row (Pre Gilmore Girls Days), Slave to the Grind

Simply Febulous

Wow.. went to a reunion of sorts today and all was so FAMILY... kids around the house.. marriage on the cards.. so weird.. sitting around with all these adultsey kinda pple while their lives still remain rather irrelevant.. the man who tried too hard was talking about being married for 2 years.. getting his parents to pay for the wedding (omigosh~!!) and telling us that if we see him on the streets.. we should acknowledge the fact that he is single.. what is this manz?

which is why the second part of the evening was such a welcome and extremely pleasant relief.. popped over to frankel at princess's uncle's house.. (yes.. you read correctly.. double astrophe within a sentence) the sanity of all the family merriment around me really made me so glad to partake of all these positive karma that flows freely around me.. the family warmth and cheers rounded up my evening in a oh so perfect way that i felt compelled to pen my tots here tonite..

so my sis is away for 2 days locked away in the southern tip island that is sentosa.. miss rubbing my stubble against my niece's belly and hearing her giggles that are a decibel or 2 too loud for my ageing ears.. but she is simply adorable and i am confident she will grow up to be a real fine lady.. possessing the best that the east and west has to offer~!!

i like~!! you like? Tjenkiu~!!

2007

wow.. december is a forgotten month for this blog.. so sorry~!! lots of things have happened since the last blog.. no less a very enjoyable trip to europe with the princess.. went to london to visit andre and keith.. went paris and then made a very pleasant trip to barcelona as well..

the new year was 2 working weeks before i plonked myself back into the office... so much has changed~!! and so little has been accomplished on my end.. wow.. things really do move fast in citi and if we dun move along quickly.. woe be unto us.. and there are tons of catching up to do.. but its kinda fun.. i realised that the human relations there are getting superficial.. one part of the fantastic foursome has fallen completely off the radar and the jessica alba amongst us has morphed into a full fledged citibanker.. very into the job and moving along fine.. the firekid is supposedly on huge flames this month but tat has been doused a bit by unwilling companies and unsupportive infrastructure.. thing has become a THING of the past.. becoming totally aloof and unfriendly.. lots of pple have noticed the difference and i simply could not be bothered trying to reach out to him anymore..

coming back from the trip and stepping into the office yet again has enlightened me as to who my real frens in this dept are.. those whom i'd regarded as dear frens hv disappointed me and those tat i did not hold in certain regard has amazingly turned around and proved themselves to be worthy frens.. tats life i guess.. u never know wat the next step pple around you are gonna take.. wat they are going to turn into.. and wat the hell they are thinking~!! watching your own back is probably the best way to go.. i dun really care.. once i pack up my bags here.. most here will be a distant memory anyways..

maybe the von trapp kids should be going to bed soon.....