Shelter Me

oh you poor abandoned blog.. its been a month since i last updated anything in you.. i seem to lack the ability to rattle on and on nowadays.. the inspiration to be sarcastic and satarical has also left me and i simply lack the mood to write anything interesting anymore.. but here i am.. already filling you up with one paragraph of nothing at all...

work had been slow.. thoughts of heading out the door are getting stronger and stronger and i have actually spoken to the boss about the terrible environment we roobamates find ourselves in.. got my first bite and stab last week and felt terrible.. this coming from a person who has always position herself as a fren more than a colleek and it kinda sucks to have this type of sucker punch thrown your way that knocks the wind out of your system.. i always think there's a better way to make money and wats the point of all this stabbing.. false smiles.. conniving attitudes and behaviours..

maybe i'm too self righteous and noble at the end of the day eh? oh well..

SeaShells

so the first roadshow is out of the way now... its been a mixed bag emotionally today.. things were looking good prior to the roadshow until i realised the entire senior management team at the company was out for engagements one way or another.. first blow.. and.. no more.. hahaha.. glad to note that this was the only blow of the day.. other than tat.. all's well thereafter.. although the results were not wat i expected.. but why the hell am i thinking about work at this juncture? i really need to unwind and relax for a bit after all that's been said and done...

watched a weirdly moving movie yesterday with the partner.. its a local movie and i went to the theatre expecting the usual hokkien spouting pseudo gangster heartlander tug at your strings kinda movie but was poignantly surprised by the strong message it sent out to me.. this plus something i experienced in a very emotional way at tanglin camp on sunday.. a piece about the different systems in existence within the society.. the regiment.. the corporate world.. and religion.. i realised to some extent how caught up i am right now in my work.. how consumed i am with achieving my targets that i have lost touch with certain human aspects of my existence.. heck.. when i picked up my guitar and strummed to her.. i realised how void of emotions i am towards my trusty instrument.. how totally blank my soul is right now.. so what if i am making lots of moola at the end of the day? i am compromising too much of myself to really tell myself i can be totally happy..

which is why it is damn confusing.. cos i love my job to the core.. the challenges are something that i truly relish and the friendly competition being waged on a daily basis drives me onto plains and dimensions i never knew existed.. i am excited.. i look forward to being in the office everyday.. i embrace all tat is coming my way work wise and yet i feel i am losing my soul bit by bit.. i dunno how to place a finger on all these.. perhaps being blessed with a state of not having to worry about my very existence allows me the space to question wat i hope to achieve with this existence.. i am thankful for the position i find myself in.. and yet remained unsettled emtionally and spiritually to truly define an equilibrium state of being..

after all that's been said and done.. i can't wait to step into the office tomolo morning.. the spring in my step.. the phone calls.. aiyaiyai.. i love this game..

Colonel Sanders

the pressure cooker's on.. at full blast no less.. coming into the workplace each day takes on differing dimensions and mood states for me nowadays.. its all dynamic.. you never know what you're gonna experience.. you never know what the boss might expect of you today.. but it all contains a tinge of positivity.. although sometimes its too faint to register upfront..

the only thing that hoovers at the workplace is the fact tat some member of the team prefer to keep an arm's length when carrying out their duties.. ok.. that in itself is not an issue with the lizard king here.. the concern is the manner in which these individuals conduct themselves.. speaking nonchalantly.. trying to appear helpful.. cooperative even.. seasoned veterans can call the game upfront... fresh members of the team took a little while to realise things but its still apparent at the end of the day.. ok.. to stop talking in riddles.. everyone can see where the parfum is coming from.. i wonder how the hell she goes to sleep every night..

so it is true that people with hooked nose (read : parrot beak like) tend to be crafty and dangerous.. you've been warned.. look out now.. watch your back! and grab that bottle of essence of chicken..

Time Alone

the time i have managed to set aside for myself these past 2 weeks had been most liberating.. i was able to plan a lot of work.. spend some time with my faithful canine companion.. have dinner with my family.. and do a lot more.. it has also made me realise tat time away from the partner has resulted in better quality time spent together when we actually do meet up.. having said that.. she has not been feeling on top of the world lately.. feelings of fatigue and weirdly placed headache had emerged.. the body might be reacting to being over worked somewhat and is finally giving the signal for the missus to take it easy and not push herself so hard..

me.. on the other hand.. i wish i had more to do after the 5 o clock hour in the office.. the cold calls have to cease for the day and there is not much to follow up in any case because the slow trickling of business volume has resulted in not much needing to be done as far as killing more trees are concerned.. chit chatting with co workers has also gone down the drain as more are being bogged down by the heavy weight of burden that press down so hard on us.. constantly.. it is with these pressures that we are made to try to achieve greater things in the office.. having said that.. some members are actually so bothered by it tat it becomes a negative incentive to work hard..

the fantastic 4 seem to have given way to slight politically charged moments of silence.. i guess thats the way this financial institution thrives.. working on the stress level of innocent everyday men like ourselves so that big talkers can stand on a pedestal and bull crap their way out of tricky situations.. amazing.. oh well.. as long as my bank account gets fattened obscenely every month.. i aint complaining..

i love my job actually~!! woo hoo~!!

Rough Week

Its been a rough week.. and in keeping with the spirit of the mentally taxing week at work.. my partner decided to gimme a hell lot of "respect and love" just to make sure things suck over the weekend as well.. suddenly its me being impossible and throwing tantrums.. i must always see things "from her point of view".. i must always "see where she is coming from"..

i can never be myself in this relationship perhaps? i need to be fashioned into someone tat has no mind of his own maybe? well.. i ain't gonna do tat.. this man here has too much self respect to be suckered into a situation as such.. i am NOT gonna take no shit from anybody anymore! i dun understand why things have suddenly changed the past 2-3 weeks or so.. she seemed to have a lot more reasons to nitpick on me.. taking all my sweet gestures and throwing them back at my face as trying to corner her into a position of submission.. wtf.. totally ridiculous and out of line.. not something from this world tat we are accustomed to.. perhaps in tat pharking stratosphere that she exists in.. pple would do so.. i aint gonna be a part of tat party manz.. no way!!

so here i am.. toasting my freedom... the liberation to do wat i can do.. wat i need to do.. and wat i should do.. if she's gonna get distracted from whatever she is distracted by.. fine by me.. dun suck me into this hole and try to make me feel miserabel from your uncertainty.. i am sick.. tired.. and totally void of emotions now.. i give up.. I QUIT!!

Giving Way

like a breath of fresh air.. the old shall make way for the new.. we shall all move on.. say "how u doin" to the next deal and learn how to cope with the disappointment that came your way due to a partner failing you.. lots of dirt have been dug up and presented on the table.. dirt tat do not exist at all.. since when is making sure your partner's needs are taken care of construed as being stifling and restrictive when the only pharking thing one did was to put some food on her plate? since when did the desire to meet up for lunch become a noose around the neck for the partner so much so that she felt obligated to reschedule her freaking busy life? when tat was not even anticipated at all! its supposed to be a sweet gesture but trust a female canine to turn it into a situation where a death warrant is signed for company during the bloody lunch hour..

excuses excuses.. all these red herrings are made to hide certain unexplained phenomena that is existing beyond the realisation of the royal reptile.. but he is wise enough to realise a lot more than the superficial skin deep representation of eternity.. all uttered to make one feel she belongs to a decent social order when she wanted nothing more than just to have a man slave to see to her every needs while giving nothing at all~!!

oh bugger off...

Brown Waste Financial Institute

so i'm finally in an orgnisation where i've always wanted to work since the day i left school.. i've always wondered how i would fare in such an organisation so its rather surprising to realise.. in spite of all the great service and support i received as a consumer.. that this financial institute where i draw my salary from currently is kinda messed up adminstratively.. there are a lot of processes tat are rather raw.. things dun get wound up sufficiently adminstratively for me to have the basic ease of mind of a proper work station and infrastructure.. having said that.. this is still a strangely rewarding place to work in.. and i ain't referring to the bank account tats being fattened with each fone call i make.. literally.. its the whole dynamics.. the pple here... the way money flows from pple to pple.. the hunger amidst the comfort zone.. not many might be able to understand tat but these are all presented in its understated grace for us all to appreciate

while being surrounded with beautiful pple.. i'm made more aware of the wonderful union that i find myself in.. i am driven more by my desire right now to make.. create.. and lay forth a beautiful life ahead for my princess whom i hold very dear to my heart.. in the face of all these settled state of being am i reminded time and time again i should break out of my old mould and let the heart do the talking.. while walking towards a settled state of equilibrium in both body and soul.. being mediocre no longer satisfy me.. here i am in this organisation that allows me to break out of the mould and i'm gonna try my darndest possible to be amongst those that will be counted when the dust settles..

just dun let me sink to the bottom of a bottle of moosehead or cobra.. let me keep my clear head and march along triumphantly into a wonderful future..

Of foaming dogs

the constant change of direction in one's oral representation signals a strong internal conflict or persistent state of imbalance.. this can be brought about by confused state of being multiple persons.. leading multiple lives.. having multiple consciousness.. the brain might potentially be taxed to the max coping with the different frontage one has to uphold when faced with different societal groups or herds.. it is therefore in the best interest of the sane human mind to keep proper account.. the best situation to be in is to maintain a clean slate in your deeds and not be potentially compromised to be pushed into a position of wrong-doing..

it is therefore important to find strength in solitary fellowship when the institution calls for it.. societal norms and morals might have degenerated into a free fall straight to the abyss but white souls have guidelines and straight roads to thread on.. it is only when we strive to be counted amongst the bleached ones can we bring joy and happiness to the people around us whom we have expressed concern and well-wishes for.. the use of the word expressed is pretty loose here.. it can take on many different dimensions.. depth.. and significance..

this is ultimately an important goal for all of us as humans.. yet we fall over and over again..

Berry Breet??

it was supposed to be a very nostalgic night out for the DD as they head down to their favourite haunt for a night of nostalgic former colonial masters musical pleasures.. the days of bobbing around to smooth materials.. not being very clear.. a garden in the desert and mashed up paper was reduced to nothing more than a promotional vehicle for the pretenders.. and i am not talking about chrissy hynde here.. god bless her wonderfully gifted soul.. friends cameo aside.. these new entities whose noise were being blasted over the systems weren't even good enough to share the airwaves with the greats.. and here they were being proclaimed as the next best thing.. with hundreds of free entry soil diggers crowding the arena where greatness was SUPPOSED to be.. arms crossed holier than thou beings bobbing their heads tentatively to the bands trying earnestly on stage.. too proud to jive perhaps.. phark.. if you're too proud to be jive.. why be in a freaking discoteque in the first place?? gosh.. the script is all wrong.. this is not the place to be seen.. if you want to be seen.. try the beng haven near to crazy horse.. this one is for the serious folks..

which was a good thing come the 11th hour.. literally.. for that was when the pretenders cleared the scene for serious party goers.. of course.. there were remnants and stray soil diggers who want to be in the scene once the free party has ended.. but who cares about them when the lizard king wants to bob around and spin like a top on the dance floor... he wants to have fun and he is hanging out with his best bud.. the one he grew up with..

in a nutshell.. to quote his latest post.. this had been a most non linear and off tangent fun night only to be pleasantly sidelined in the latter stages by the need to catch some early shut-eye in order to stroll their beautiful canine companions.. but alas.. the royal reptile succumb to his worldly pig sty obssession of sleeping in on a weekend and missed out on a early morning of wonderfully prepared breakfast at the deli with a princess who should be served with nothing but the best.. bring on the chic while we lie sleeping.. dreaming of the wonderful aroma that will fill the kitchen while courteuos serving staff parade the fresh from oven pastry tat will surely delight.. oh heck it.. we have a lifetime of weekends to catch up on tat but this one was reserved for sleeping in for the mental and emotional exertions from the past week of work had been most toiling..

rest well.. and move forward to a better life ahead.. we all deserve better than this.. but we all are too caught up with our mypoic humanity to live out of this standard regime we are all accustomed to and are bound by due to our values and principles.. we shall learn one day to see beyond these and learn how to live.. the way life should be led...

hallelujah perhaps?

Drowning in a river of tea

ah yes.. the dynamic duo hits town again.. its been a long long while since the batmobile was seen zipping around town without the presence of catwoman.. the penguin.. the joker and the introduction of a new character.. the poodle.. the 2 crime fighters just hanging out without any other company had been rare due to individual commitment and situations they've found themselves to be in.. so last saturday was a welcome change.. an original idea to be out for quiet drinks evolved naturally into a boogie nite... there's always a danger of one abandoning the other for reasons unexplained but its a chance they're gonna take..

so as the potent brew found its way down the throat of the gulper.. the mind gets lifted onto a plain not parallel to the universe that we're familiar with.. the limbs start to have a life of their own and the consciousness of a pseudo royal reptile took over the earthly form of the namesake of mr albarn.. or mr neil.. depending on which genre you are familiar with.. the top was set loose once again on the floors of gold eating street.. although its not like a jungle.. and they're not exactly charmless man.. the music was adequately lifting to create bopping madness all over the dance floor and they soon found themselves in the company of an army recruit.. "the plateau gave it all away" my bro said.. i dun quite agree there and pointed out the get-up of people of yesteryears bopping around in the good ol' mtv bar.. giant screen on the dance floor no less.. those are really fun times and nowhere else on this tiny little island was that kind of fun place ever duplicated again..

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow~!!

"Girls who are boys
Who like boys
To be girls
Who do boys
Like they're girls
Who do girls
Like they're boys
Always should be someone you really love"
- Girls and Boys, Blur

The Wall

"Heaven, I’m in heaven
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek

Heaven, I’m in heaven
And the cares that hung around me through the week
Seem to vanish like a gambler’s lucky streak
When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek

Oh I love to climb a mountain
And reach the highest peak
But it doesn’t thrill me half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek

Oh I love to go out fishing
In a river or a creek
But I don’t enjoy it half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek

Come on and dance with me
I want my arms about you
That charm about you
Will carry me through right up to heaven

I’m in heaven
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we’re out together dancing, out together dancing

Out together dancing cheek to cheek"

- Irving Berlin, Cheek to Cheek

Bai Kaya Roti

its been a sufficient length of of time to rather accurately take stock of wats going on and decide whether this is going anywhere.. the initial high, positive energy has given way to a settled state of being.. the differences.. many of them.. are being handled in a more adult and calm manner.. the connections have become more genuine and personal rather than just riding on the thrill of novelty.. having gone through very quickly wat most pple will probably go through in years.. we've also learn a lot and gained the strength and the conviction to move on..

i do not understand why reassurances from outside the union is necessary for the mere purpose of ego boosting or self assurance.. if an individual unit feels tat universal recognition is more important than the recognition and respect you earn from your partner.. or if your partner dun give you enough security or conviction about how fantastic you are.. then the partner is perhaps not meant to be at the end of the day.. a relationship is meant to make you happy.. joyous.. feel good about yourself.. make you feel like you're ready to take on the world with a strong foundation back home.. a harbour you can come back to anchor, stock up and re-charge after the exertions of the world.. sure.. tanjong pelepas might come and entice you with their newer facilities.. cheaper rates and better service but at the end of the day.. you have to know where your operational base is.. hear the connectivity options at keppel beckoning you.. do you really need the pakcik at pelepas telling you how beautiful your stern is? how majestic your smoke funnel is? KAOZ~!! the world is a bad bad place..

"The changing of sunlight to moonlight
Reflections of my life, oh, how they fill my eyes
The greetings of people in trouble
Reflections of my life, oh, how they fill my mind

All my sorrows, sad tomorrows
Take me back to my own home
All my cryings (all my cryings), feel I'm dying, dying
Take me back to my own home (oh I'm going home)

I'm changing, arranging, I'm changing
I'm changing everything, ah, everything around me

The world is a bad place, a bad place"
- Reflections of my life, The Marmalades

Puffed up

world cup fever is upon us again.. amazingly.. for a person who is very much a fan of the beautiful game.. i am nowhere as obsessed as some non-fans when it comes to following the fortunes of some of the teams who are located halfway around the globe.. suddenly.. the spiky haired banking professional has turned into someone who has soaked in the samba heat half his life.. some geeky IT professional has been consuming kimchi his whole life etc etc.. this is most weird.. and half of these soccer obssessed individuals who pledge allegiance to their "favourite teams" can't even kick a ball if their lives depended on it.. notwithstanding.. it is also very much a reflection of our country's lack of identity and focus.. whoever are the favourites will receive their fair share of backing.. you do not see such fervour and enthuasism when the singapore national team plays..

the last time the stadium was packed (and not for NDP but for a football match) was when singapore won the tiger cup.. tat was over 2 legs and singapore had virtually won having gained the upper hand in the first leg in indonesia.. so our supporters suddenly turned into "die hard" fans who have always been there for the lions.. this is just so typical.. the "i am behind you as long as you win" mindset.. this is not called die hard.. but then again.. we've been weaned on a must win culture so i guess the whole bunch of us walking around zombified and programmed to align ourselves with winners is nothing new..

during this month.. i am just gonna enjoy myself watching becks bend the ball.. ronaldinho amaze with his antics.. ronaldo mesmerise with his stepovers and zidane going on and on while betraying his age in this last hurrah.. damn.. i dun even like the french team.. the only team i can probably identify with as a proxy is ironically T&T.. they are a tiny nation of 1.1 million and yet have defied the odds to qualify for the world cup.. having said that.. they do have big names starring in top european leagues.. we have mere names wanting to be seen in HRC..

Shot through the heart

its really amazing how someone whom you hold so dear to your heart can summon the energy within herself to shoot the hurtful arrows right through you without batting an eyelid.. likening this union to the past is something totally out of the world from the sphere i live in.. i really cannot comprehend how someone with one foot out still want to be in a set up.. only very selfish reasons can be gathered here.. but i do not want to speculate for it is not fair.. having said that.. who is being fair to me right now?

i feel very disappointed to be let down time and again.. my heart cannot take the repeated stress thrown my way by a partner who is totally oblivious to my needs and wants while requiring me to be this high energy tireless duracell bunny hopping around and drumming on my plastic instrument while grinning mindlessly and staring into space.. most robotic.. providing entertainment and the mandatory warmth as and when required by her.. the best option is to dole out the cash and seek out a love slave that will cater to your every whim and fancy without having to give a goddamn hoot about the way he is feeling..

well.. it can be just me can't it? so if we are from totally stratospheric layers.. then please let us remain in our individual comfort zone and not get mired in emotions and sentiments and continue to drag each other to the core of earth.. no one wants to be there.. and especially not when 06/06/06 is drawing near.. i know my name sounds rather similar to the fiend but i am not about to align myself in his social circle..

"I’ve got no worries
I’ve got no regrets
Who they think they’re kidding
They ain’t seen nothing yet

You point my finger try to tell me I’m wrong
That never stopped me from singin’ my song
I got the last laugh at the things they do
Eliminate them at the turn of a screw

I never lived by nobody’s rules
I won’t be sinking on that ship of fools
Can’t push me no matter how hard they try
Stand back, it’s my turn to fly

Come hell, hell or high water
Nothing’s gonna hold me down
Come hell, hell or high water
Ain’t no body messin’ me around

I see their wicked ways
And miles of endless lies
Their jaded lives
Couldn’t erase my smile

But what’s this shit that I just heard
Son of a bitch you’re working on my nerves
I’ll watch you choke on your last words
It’s about time you got what you deserved

I never lived by nobody’s rules
I won’t be sinking on that ship of fools
Can’t push me no matter how hard they try
Stand back, it’s my turn to fly

I’ve got something that’s been on my mind
Come close I’ll tell you the problem that I find
I’m sick and tired of the damage you’ve done
Don’t blame me I ain’t the one
Blame yourself for the ghosts in your past

Kiss my ass"
- Come Hell or High Water, Poison

These 5 words I swear to you?

And on that farm he ATE a cow

Long weekend.. didn’t exactly do a lot but sure as hell ate a lot~!! Let me try to recall here the obscene amount of food tat went into our systems over the course of this 3 day break.. it started on Friday evening with a really large serving of pork ribs.. the partner had her beef ribs and we top off the evening with a sinfully delicious chocolate cake.. mmm mmm.. Saturday morning saw a really really heavy brunch with fried kway teow.. chicken wings and curry puff.. the partner was forced into a heavy breakfast too with laksa.. chicken wings and carrot cake~!! We felt full for the whole day.. I kid you not.. dinner was teppan yaki at Jurong where we ate way way way way way too much.. but it was yummylicious.. Sunday was alright till dinner time where we decided to have a cosy little barbeque at me place.. we must have ate the entire repertoire of THAT old macdonald’s song worth of animals PLUS the greens that he might have harvested at his farm… add to this an entire refinery worth of oils and you can easily imagine how bloated we all felt after this dinner.. meant for 10 but consumed by 2…. Pigs..

To mitigate all these.. this weekend had also been rather physically exhausting for me.. firstly.. there was that mandatory jog on Friday evening.. followed by a 10km trek at macritchie reservoir on Saturday where the partner lost the sole from her underutilized shoe from overwalking.. and then on Sunday.. in anticipation of the heavy heavy bbq dinner we are gonna have.. I went for the regular jogging routine again.. and boy was I tired out due to the earlier exertions from the past 2 days.. which kinda explains why I am feeling so drained now and blabbering on non stop with unimportant information.. hahahaha…

Ee Aye Ee Aye Oh~!!

Not again....

fast aint it? barely my 3rd month into the job and already found reasons to sack the management here... sometimes i really have to take a step back and ask myself where the problems really lie.. is it with me? do i have a problem conforming? am i too hasty? too impatient perhaps? impulsive? spoilt maybe?

don't want to overly analyse things so shall just go ahead with my plans and sack the serangoon dwellers around here.. guess i just have to survive a little bit of lean and mean times for this month and next and hang in there slightly.. maybe its a good time to take a sabbatical and try to grow abs beyond the mere sporadic bursts of business volume.. but where? what? how? ooh.. strategising time.. maybe the ivory tower management team here can help me out on this.. since they're so brilliant at "strategising".. but wats a strategy without the actionable roll-out plans? empty talk tats wat.. lots of hot air around here.. the office is floating up already.. stop it~!!

i get a kick sometimes from speaking out against my oppressors.. but it has cost me somewhat dearly at times in the past.. although i am quite assured this would not be one of those regretful times.. i still have a nagging feeling within myself that history repeats itself over and over and over again..

Riders on the storm

stormy days are over i hope.. its been a rough ride over the past 3 weeks or so and i would like to think of that period as something that we all have to go through to learn.. the hard way no less.. about each other's patterns.. habits.. manners.. lifestyle.. tot process... attitudes.. etc etc.. so its good that at the end of the day.. we've seen enough of the ugly side of each other to still believe in the union and want to work things.. i've also learnt to be a better person and ultimately a better partner after these sessions of anguish and unhappiness... i think we've both found a state of equilibrium that had been lacking for me in the past.. its a matter of coming to terms with the fact tat we're both individuals in our own rights and imposing ideals upon each other is not the way to go.. and yet we've got to balance the fact tat we're in a relationship and is somewhat answerable to the other party with each and every one of our attitudes and behaviour...

i've also grown a lot over the past few months.. the partner has always been someone with a more matured outlook of life than me.. i've learnt a lot about being a 30-something from her and am glad that i've found someone who loves me enough to put up with my childish tantrums at times tat are totally unjustified.. i do realise at the end of the day tat nobody should put up with shit like this.. and yet here is this gal who is willing to put up with me.. i guess its true tat its all about give and take.. and mr darin did mention it succintly by saying "nobody else gives me a thrill.. with all your faults i love you still".. i tot i knew wat its all about.. i was so wrong.. but i tink i do comprehend it now.. i see where she's coming from and these words strike me in such a in-your-face manner tat the realisation of it comes like a breath of air previously totally out of my radar with its purity and untainted freshness.. she does accept me for the person that i am..

"Try to see it my way
Do I have to keep on talking till I can’t go on?
While you see it your way
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.
We can work it out, We can work it out.
Think of what you’re saying.
You can get it wrong and still you think that it’s alright.
Think of what I’m saying,
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.
We can work it out,We can work it out.

Life is very short, and there’s no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it’s a crime,
So I will ask you once again.

Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There’s a chance that we may fall apart before too long.
We can work it out,We can work it out."

- The Beatles, We Can Work It Out

Full Nelson~!!

this post is not as painful as the freaking title would suggest.. actually referring to 2 blondie twins with flowing locks.. decked out in rocker gear but singing soft pop rock numbers.. one hit wonders.. or i should say one album wonderzzzz..

after the rain.. the storm.. the tsunamis that swept through my emotions and my soul.. i have been drained.. battle wearied.. well worn.. hope that all will translate to lessons learnt about being with the partner.. i really need to re-examine myself sometimes in a relationship and learn to let go of minor disturbances and irritants tat tick me off at times.. i need to be able to let it go at the moment and not let it consume me and unleash the freakish monster tat does a lot of damage to the strong bonds that had been built over time.. pin pointing fingers and apportioning blame is not the order of the day.. as human beings interacting within the institute of a relationship.. we need to address the issues and potential problems tat exist between 2 persons and deal with it..

in the heat of the moment.. we might say things that hurt terribly that can never be taken back.. we can never turn back the hands of the clock and reverse the damage.. tats just not the way life works.. and yet.. i make the same mistakes over the over again.. nobody's perfect i know but i do not wish to dwell on past mistakes and let it bog me down.. we've both agreed that moving along and taking the past hurdles and obstacles as lesson learnt is the best way forward.. i couldnt agree more..

here's to better days ahead~!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENG~!!

Pharkshop minus half a century

its fun aint it? turning 31 in a flash of the eye.. a lot has been happening in my life when i'm 30 and in a way.. i am glad that the bloody egg at the back of 3 had been broken and i'm moving on.. older and hopefully a little wiser for it.. i didnt exactly have the best of the bestest birthday celebration for it wasnt a celebration at all.. the partner and me fought for the entire evening.. on this day.. which can after all be construed as just another day.. no biggie..

no presents would be better than to have the love and respect from your partner.. tat i'm sure i'll have in the days to come.. i truly do hope for tat.. i just want a simple life.. peace.. quiet.. happiness.. not too much to ask for i guess.. but its funny how i am not able to have those things at a time when i tot its all forthcoming and overcoming me unconditionally.. maybe i tot wrong.. maybe its something wrong with me..

in any case.. moving along is important.. getting over the past misery is something i would really love to do right now... at the end of the day.. i'm just a simple man with a simple need and wish for a simple life.. nothing complicated.. nothing too outlandish..

hope i'm not asking for too much??!?

Aretha Franklin disapproves~!!

am i really that lowly that people around me cannot treat me with basic respect? i mean i can understand it if my parents were to nag a little and talk as if i am kid cos i AM a kid to them.. always has been... and will be.. tat is understandable cos they've seen my in my diapers.. take my first step.. utter my first words etc etc.. they've given me guidance and support throughout the years and to be honest.. i can say that its their god given right to sometimes still talk to me like a kid and dun really respect my point of view.. although i dun like it a single bit.. i can still accept it when circumstances like this come my way..

but to be shown an utter lack of respect from friends, colleagues.. tat is another story altogether.. its not a nice feeling.. tat i can tell you for sure.. why is it so hard for someone to let me finish whatever i want to say before he or she cuts me off? even my boss at work right now whose style i can barely agree with let me finish my piece before he comment.. although he will rubbish almost half of my ideas.. i appreciate the time and space that he actually gives me to throw up these ideas in the first place.. with frens.. i seldom have tat problem but i guess its becos we treat each other with respect.. view each other as equals and treasure each other's opinion and point of view.. we see each other as peers and equals and there's only one member of the clan that has problems playing by these rules and that fella has kinda disappeared from my radar.. albeit for a somehow unrelated event.. the basic thing is.. i do not agree with his style.. i take offence with his behaviour and i do not wish to be present when he throws his unwarranted weight and justifications around to bulldoze his way in a conversation.. at work.. this would be grossly unprofessional and working with such an arse would be a pain in the same area!!

been quite bothered by it all which is why i took some time off to read up on communication, conversation and listening skills on the net.. i do realise i am guilty of some of the negative behaviour pointed out by the various authors.. but with all due respect, and pls pardon the pun.. i think i do extend and portray a certain level of respect to pple whom i am sharing a conversation with.. ah.. i think i hit the nail on its head here.. SHARING a conversation.. its not a monologue at the end of the day eh? which brings to mind some rather serious questions.... so why oh why can't my partner understand this and let me have my say? does my opinion not matter at all? does she have a problem respecting me? if the answers are yes.. i think we have a serious fundamental problem here...

Talking KOCk

Once again.. I’m blown away when I least expect it at a concert… admittedly.. the music’s a little too.. er.. “lepak” to borrow the phrase from my brudder man.. for my liking… but the musicianship and professionalism exhibited by the 2 musicians came across as being well-polished.. their attitudes sincere.. their love for music earnest.. their interaction with the audience unpretentious and their set simple yet effective.. functional.. and most fluent.. using a simple style interwined with beautifully crafted chord structures.. the 2 were able to let the strings wrap around their voice and complement each other.. its like a 4 piece acapella group singing.. only with guitars making up the other 2 members.. the style of music is very refreshing in the face of modern packaged deals and I’d have to say I’m surprised at how much I enjoyed myself at this concert..

Music has always been a huge part of my life.. and like those sans a certain amount of talent and the corresponding passion.. I can only sit back in awe and watch these masters stroke their 6 strings to life on a stage.. without loud amplifications and dazzling multi-effect pedals.. the ringing of the strings become more pronounced and the original intention of the instrument is laid bare for us to be awestruck by its complex simplicity.. being able to belt out a rhythmic beat without percussions is not difficult but to do it well enough to sufficiently encourage the entire audience to get up and groove is no mean feat.. this is what music is all about at the end of the day.. no need for well executed gravity defying dance moves.. chiselled good looks.. overdubbing and multi-layered production.. it relates directly to your soul and emotions and makes you ponder.. reflect.. appreciate.. fall in love.. smile.. weep.. you know.. the works..

Oh yeah.. would also like to highlight another key point of this captivating performance.. I was suitably impressed with the lyrical dimension of the performance.. they're are quite poetic.. non-linear.. and refreshing in the face of I-love-you-but-you-dun-love-me-anymore mass market off the shelf musical formula being belted out by the rich and famous idols.. I wish I can write like that but somehow my efforts always fall flat on their face.. so its good to have more of such bands around.. that’s where I learn and can possibly draw inspirations from~!!

Ah'll Bee Barck

Its been a long while since I last updated anything in this poor abandoned blog. I seemed to have been void of a lot of inspiration of late.. probably because I’m too worried about closing the next account and soliciting for more leads.. show me the moola~!! But no.. life is not only about that.. I’ve seriously considered taking the plunge and re-defining my career in an area that I should have been upon graduation due to my academic background but have decided not to pursue because of the undesirable characters that I would be interacting with on a daily basis.. that path would surely translate to more material comforts but I am not going to explore it for reasons I’ve already kinda explained above..

Life had been wonderful of late.. the missus had been most pleasant and sweet to hang around with and we’ve went for a few good performance…oh.. and some cringe-worthy one as well.. in any case.. its nice to share the moment with someone who can understand how you relate to these.. and is also able to offer you very interesting insights.. things I wouldn’t have thought of myself in my own little myopic world.. I guess I’m the type who treasures this kinda dynamics between 2 persons above and beyond the sometime superficial representations of immense emotions between 2 persons in love.. not tat I do not want tat either.. I live for such moments for I’m quite a sentimental fool myself.. hehehehe.. anyways…. Its all about a balance and I’m not complaining about the state of equilibrium I am currently in…

Bancock Dunrock

yes... its supposed to be some kinda rock fest... amazingly.. musicianship was not the order of the day.. for some bands.. showmanship aint even important.. yes.. the ability to write a good tune and rally the crowd is important but have we forgotten the essence of music? give some respect to the very instruments that pay your bills before stepping on stage my frens~!! ironically.. a band i dismissed as poppish gave the best performance.. in my humble opinion.. over the 2 days of a supposed festival.. but like i always tell pple around me.. the fun is in your head.. if it aint good.. make it good.. enjoy it.. i know i did..


looking at the line up of bands and the scale of the event.. i cant help but think its a very commercial set up... but i still enjoyed myself enough to injure my 30 yr old calves slightly~!! hahahaha... the only regret i had was not being able to catch some of the up and coming local thai bands play for i've heard some of them on the radio here and they are really tight musically.. some might say they are even better players than some of the foreign bands they are sharing the stage with.. too bad they were given lousy time slots to show what they are capable of..

"If you wanna be a singer, or play guitar
Man, you gotta sweat or you won’t get far
Cause it’s never too late to work nine-to-five
You can take a stand, or you can compromise
You can work real hard or just fantasize
But you don’t start livin’ till you realize
I gotta tell ya!
God gave rock and roll to you
gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to everyone
God gave rock and roll to you,
gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul of everyone"
- God Gave Rock And Roll To You, KISS

Solar energy

the sun.. the life sustaining bright star that is burning its way to its death.. its makes flowers bloom.. the plants grow.. kills those darn bacteria and germs that linger in your sheets.. rids odours from clothes.. it too creates draft that translates into beautiful breezes that soaks up the sense of so many dating couples walking barefoot in the sand.. whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears while the same bright star beats down upon them and baked them into 2 healthy glowing walking testament of the wonders of lurve.. more importantly.. it keeps 6 billion micro-organisms prowling the surface of the 3rd piece of rock that orbits round it alive..

amazing wat the sun does for us aint it? if tat freaking star aint there.. i wouldnt be sitted here tonite typing away at my lappie marvelling at its wonder.. and yet.. its quite sad to know that this same sun has a finite existence and the timeline to its ultimate demise is a very real thing.. i can just hear the clock ticking away everytime i look up to the skies with my sunnies and let this fiery friend fry my face and its accompanying oils into a frenzy of contrasting emotions..

wats my point here? i want to be the sun in pple's life.. someone or something that provides.. gives.. empower and fulfill.. needs.. wants.. even though my existence might not be in the conscious minds of the pple around me.. at least i am doin my part to make their life wonderful, happy and perhaps meaningful.. to bring sunshine into someone's life goes beyond the skin deep notions of bright and happy.. its also the reason why pple wake up everyday.. to embrace a brand new day.. though it may be filled with negativity.. its the frame of mind to take on the world tat counts.. which is wat this site is all about.. we all fall into our little traps that the sadistic bastard up above throw our way to make us forget the reason why we live.. which is to find a meaning to it all and question incessantly.. ceaselessly.. persistently and relentlessly.. not to believe wat they all tell you but to define it in our own wonderfully beautiful and unique way..

Dong Dong Dong Chang~!!

not really.. not the usual rowdy gathering that i've grown accustomed to over the past few years.. tis year was a little quiet.. subdued.. perhaps the 2nd day is a little too early to invite frens over for most have just popped over from visitations and seem fatigued.. some are newly settled into a matrimonial environment and tat must have somewhat of a toll.. some just didnt turn up at all and didnt bother to inform.. after the preparations that i went through.. it can get quite irritating and i cant say that i am not bothered by it.. in spite of wanting to keep up a pleasant disposition due to the merriment of the festive season..

but its still nice for frens to catch up.. chit chat.. catch up and update each other on our lives since we last met.. maybe we've gone down paths tat are too different and there are no common grounds to cover anymore other than the usual nostalgic references to those times far far away when we were still running round the basketball courts.. cheating during chinese literature tests and vandalising the otherwise plain brown tables that we lay our head on during lessons.. wherever i may roam~!!

perhaps the reason for all these is the terrible year that all us rabbit had just went thru.. oops.. tats my hocus pocus superstitious self rearing its not too ugly head again.. i have always tot that a little belief in the supernatural realm does nobody any harm unless infant's blood and the nails of corpses are required to perform certain rituals.. just as long as it doesnt consume the individual to the extend that he or she has to watch out for everything.. it might even spur the person on to greater self confidence and achieve feats previously tot impossible.. examples would be footballers who wear the same pair of underwear for every match they play in.. speaking of football.. some proclaim it a religion and schedule their lives around their team's matches.. now.. is tat some kinda ritual or wat?

In summary

"Wishful crystal
Water covers everything in blue
Coolin' water
Wishful sinful
Our love is beautiful to see
I know where I would like to be
Right back where I came

Wishful, sinful, wicked blue
Water covers you
Wishful, sinful, wicked you
Can't escape the blue

Magic risin'
Sun is shinin' deep beneath the sea
But not enough for you and me and sunshine
Love to hear the wind cry
Wishful sinful
Our love is beautiful to see
I know where I would like to be
Right back where I came

Wishful, sinful, wicked blue
Water covers you
Wishful, sinful, wicked you
Can't escape the blue
Love to hear the wind cry
Love to hear you cry, yeah, yeah"
- Wishful Sinful, The Doors

Misty

A long time ago.. I ended a wonderful union which still leaves me with regrets up till today.. I have always complained about how young my partner then was and how her immature attitudes really tick me off at times.. I was constantly bitching about how great it would be to be with someone matured.. someone who can understand the more important things in life rather than the romanticized notion of being emotional and sentimental with a partner.. and yet.. at hindsight.. I would have to seriously say tat she had been someone who was like tat and I was the unsettled one.. the immature one who wasn’t ready to settle down and still want to roam around… sometimes it really does take a hard knock to make one realize wat is good for oneself.. but then.. its good that i've been thru this episode.. packed up the emotional baggage and moved on to become a better person from the experience..

Which is why it’s a good thing tat we’ve all moved on and grew stronger from all these.. the last relationship was a real nightmare and I wouldn’t be missing tat anytime soon.. its really a matter of so long farewell.. bye bye.. let our paths never cross again in this life… dun really wish to talk about it here.. its stupid and unnecessarily disturbing cos my parents were involved in this.. who would think tat at 30.. these are the things tat still kept my parents up at night.. my goodness.. how totally not in congruence with the person tat I wanna be..

Which is why I am happy with my life now.. being at peace with myself is a state of mind I had not been able to be in for the past 2-3 years of my life.. there was always a conflict within myself for reasons which I cannot truly fathom.. I had been trying to be someone I was not and perhaps tat was wat contributed to this battle tat I fought with myself.. looking back.. these are really struggles tat are stupid and childish.. the need to prove myself in light of wat the previous generation have achieved is something tat is weighing me down constantly.. oh how I would love to just be myself.. which I am now.. in a way.. totally free of worries and is 100% willing to let go of the things I have lost.. moving on is the best way to deal with these.. being mired in the past would only translate to a present state of unstable mental welfare which would lead to a future of the same turmoil.. so snapping out of it now is a beautiful sensation and I am most glad I have someone who is totally wonderful and understanding sharing this moment with me.. walking with me.. not judging me.. holding my hands.. reassuring me tat all is fine.. being silly with me when I need to let go and lending me a listening ear when I need to just talk and talk and talk..

If only I could

there are times when one wish one can turn back the clock to that period of time when one made a serious mistake and hope to erase that from the memory and move on.. but its tough at times because we are only humans and are still subjected to the same shitty humanity of emotions, sentiments, anger.. so after that conversation last nite, it made me think real hard whether i still want to go all out along this entrepreneurial mindset after having been bitten hard.. for the first time in a really long while, i have half the mind to really give it all up and just mire myself in a life i would have classified as mediocre as recently as 3 months ago.. and yet.. this is not anything that is bad at all.. i guess it just calls for an adjustment of mindset and attitudes.. a revision of the expectations i set upon myself.. this is heavy.. it might potentially dictate the landscape that i will find myself in when my hair is greying and my joints do not carry me far anymore..

i have always tot of myself as strong-willed, fearless and ambitious but i've amazingly lost a lot of that zest when i examine my behaviour in recent weeks.. i've become rather meek and that freaking risk taker in me seemed to have disembarked at the previous station.. without me realising it!! ok.. its always good to take calculated risk but not at the expense of becoming another cog in the machine.. i want to be the prime mover.. the engine room.. not just another gear tat keeps things going along.. and yet.. here i am.. contemplating becoming just tat! and i mean seriously.. fighting on requires a lot more energy that has been sapped from my being.. where can i draw new strength? where can i learn to fight on? or should i even be fighting at all?

Understanding

attitudes have changed and behaviour have been modified.. met up with an old fren today and he had been on leave for 3 weeks.. just taking some time off from work since the christmas holidays to take a well reserved rest.. i know he had been working hard for the longest time and this is a good time to unwind a little.. i was surprised to find tat his attitudes toward certain matters have changed somewhat.. here was a man who steadfastly held on to his beliefs but i've seen these values disappeared into thin air this time round we met up..

perhaps going through too many emotional roller coaster had given him a new perspective of life and he is more willing to experiment.. which i cant say for certain whether its good or bad cos my new year resolution is to avoid the very same activities he is currently engaged in~!! i've managed to keep last year's very much in line and is in a way proud of myself.. not tat its a tall task in any case..

wat i want to say is.. time do change a person.. sometimes for better.. sometimes for worse.. looking back over the past 2-3 years of my life.. i had not been too exemplary in my own behaviours and general outlook of life.. after a short getaway trip.. my mind is very much more at ease and i have a clearer picture of the person tat i want to be for the next 30-40 years of my life.. i hope i dun play the last holy fool again..

*fingers crossed~!!*

On a sleepless night like this

omigosh! its 5.30am on the clock and here i am.. wide awake! i was tossing around in bed a little just now but i just cant seem to fall asleep.. after 3 episodes of little britain.. the jokes are beginning to thin.. i now fully understand why keith said this series is best consumed in little doses.. there is this much a person can take of the kinda humour dished out by the brilliant duo... my mind is a total blank now.. but yet.. sleep is not coming over me.. somebody help me..

been catching up on some work the whole of today.. which is not very much at all considering the lack of flow coming in on the business side of things.. but i'll leave tat worrying for later.. somehow i just feel completely void of emotions of late.. the only thing i could feel is missing the times spent with family in europe.. perhaps the freaking chilly winter nites in london had frozen my brain to a stage where i am incapable of proper cognitive abilities.. nah.. its just that my mind had not been put to much use of late and seriously.. its a terrible terrible thing to waste.. a fren who questioned me on aspects of my trip had me stumped for answers over supper a little earlier.. yet.. these are simple facts or info about places any idiot could recall with minimal effort! am i really losing the use of my most powerful and sexy organ? noo but yeah but noo but yeah but noo but yeah but noooo...

so.. i've managed to stay off the alcohol since coming back to sg but the amount of nicotine entering my lungs have increased.. i realised tat i am smoking more frequently after my trip and do realise the urgent need to quickly arrest this trend.. i have a sneaky suspicion tat over excessive amounts of ciggie might have contributed to my insomnia.. oh wat the hell.. its only 8.30pm in london now! i think we might have just finished dinner and is helping to clear the dishes!! time to sit down on the couch.. have a nice little chat over some fermented grapes.. but tats happening 10000km away.. damn...

He paid a visit to his brother and then he.......

Walk on down the hall~!!

happy new year!!

its been a while since i last posted anything since i was away for about 2 weeks.. wow.. cant believe tat 2 weeks is over just like tat.. after a prolonged period of eating excessively and drinking excessive amounts of wine nite after nite.. i'm finally home and dry.. been nice visiting my brother and his partner in london.. and then going for a very enriching trip to paris and also.. pay a visit to the lizard king at the pere lachaise cemetary.. walk on down the hall~!!

having said that.. the visit was strangely anti-climatic.. after walking around aimlessly in pere lachaise for quite a while.. we were finally able to locate the gravestone that looked ordinary for someone who used to be the top of the heap amongst reptiles.. not tat morrison would have wanted anything grand or elaborate for this purpose but its just very subdued.. quite unlike the colorful character tat he was when he was alive.. you'd think tat having made so much money out of the morrison legacy.. the surviving members of the doors.. the morrisons and the coursons would build a more elaborate shrine to the man for his millions of fans around the world to visit.. but noooo.. its all about the money i guess.. when the lizard king was alive.. his father refused to acknowledge him.. but they are now very protective of his rights and images.. for it roll in the bucks for them.. a nice pension fund from a deviant son..

and as a fitting tribute to the ways of the chicak king.. we stayed in a little hotel in the seedy streets of pigalle in paris.. its actually unintentional but it adds a nice touch to the morrison effect of the trip i guess! hahahahaha...